Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday

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Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, June 1, 2021

Note: We hope you had a nice Memorial Day weekend. As promised, here are my fresh Jarts wounds: here….here…here here and here…oh, and these sixteen here that form a heart shape.  Final score, as usual: 0-0.

By the Numbers:

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4 days.

Days ’til World Environment Day: 4

Percent of U.S. adults polled by Pew Research who believe President Biden’s plan to rebuild the country’s infrastructure in ways that are aimed at reducing the effects of climate change will help and hurt the economy, respectively: 50%, 30%

Percent of Americans polled by Quinnipiac who say they agree and disagree, respectively, with the 1973 Roe v. Wade decision: 63%, 28%

Average amount consumers borrowed to buy a new vehicle in the first quarter of the year, fueled by purchases of trucks (17%) and SUVs (56%): $35,392

Increase in lipstick sales in April compared to April 2020: 80%

Rounds of ammo found in the San Jose terrorist-murderer’s home: 22,000

Age of Gavin “Murray” “Capt. Stubing” McLeod when he died Saturday: 90

Puppy Pic of the Day: The miracle rejuvenation effect of a three-day weekend…

CHEERS to June. Dad and the flag get their day, Juneteenth reminds us again how much work remains to achieve Black equality, LGBTQ pride breaks out around the world in a blizzard of rainbows (sadly, mostly without parades again this year), and poor Tessie Hutchinson draws the black spot out of the box again. (But as Old Man Warner so accurately points out every year: “Lottery in June, corn be heavy soon.”)

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Returning a month early because of Democratic leadership: backyard family picnics. Thanks, Joe.

At the same time, things continue getting back to normal, as the Biden administration leans on science to drive COVID cases down and vaccinations up. Republicans and Joe Manchin continue their highly-successful “Give Our Republic A Swirlie Every Day ‘Til The Midterms” campaign as nothing but filibuster-proof judicial nominees make it through the Senate intact. (Sorry, America. When it comes to voting rights, LGBTQ equality, infrastructure, climate action, reproductive rights, and gun control, you may have to wait and hope Santa delivers them this Christmas.) Oh, and the Supreme Court might kill the Affordable Care Act—wouldn’t that be a hoot.

What else? It’s Candy Month, Adopt-A-Cat Month and, if we can squeeze it in, Accordion Awareness Month. Atlantic hurricane season rolls on through November (more on that below). I have no idea what the current state of the movie theater industry is, but apparently it’s opening back up and here’s what Buzzfeed says is on the slate for June.  Plus: according to my wall calendar the Queen gets two holiday celebrations, one in New Zealand (the 7th) and one in Australia (the 14th). There’s a full “strawberry” moon on the 24th, so be prepared to amble into the back yard, think of Neil Armstrong (and now also Michael Collins), and give it a wink. Oh, and a special message from our Maine mosquitoes: “Come on up—we’d love to have ya for a drink sometime.”

CHEERS to Likkud’ing your wounds. After holding 119 billion elections in 18 months because no one could cobble together a majority, Israel finally showed the world the meaning of the word—[rolls eyes]—decisive. And the #1 casualty of the deal brokered by two opposition parties—Benjamin Netanyahu—couldn’t deserve his ass-kicking more:

Naftali Bennett, head of the small religious and nationalist Yamina party, and opposition leader Yair Lapid, of the centrist Yesh Atid party, said they had joined forces.

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Party over. Oops. Outta time.

“In the last two years, Israel has been in a circle of elections, internal fighting with no leadership,” Bennett said Sunday in a televised announcement. “This will not happen again. We can stop this and take control. There is no option for a right-wing government lead by Netanyahu—it’s either a change government or new elections.” […]

Netanyahu, 71, has been at the helm since 2009, but his legal troubles in recent years have overshadowed his legacy. Last month saw the start of a major corruption trial against him on charges of fraud, bribery and breach of trust.

You might say the Bibi gun is now…shooting blanks! Tip your servers, folks, you’ve been a great audience.

CHEERS to an idea that was ahead of its time.  On June 1, 1869, Thomas Edison received a patent for his mechanical voting machine.  He lost money, though, because no one wanted to use it.  Democrats found it too easy to hack and Republicans found it too hard to hack.

BRIEF SANITY BREAK

END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

JEERS to turbulent times ahead. Here we go again. heads-up, all you gulf- and east-coasters, because the 2021 hurricane season is now underway. Unfortunately, the NOAA forecast suggests it might be a juicy one:

Forecasters predict a 60% chance of an above-normal season, a 30% chance of a near-normal season, and a 10% chance of a below-normal season. However, experts do not anticipate the historic level of storm activity seen in 2020.

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I was hoping they’d name this year’s S storm “Sharpie.”

For 2021, a likely range of 13 to 20 named storms (winds of 39 mph or higher), of which 6 to 10 could become hurricanes (winds of 74 mph or higher), including 3 to 5 major hurricanes (category 3, 4 or 5; with winds of 111 mph or higher) is expected. NOAA provides these ranges with a 70% confidence. The Atlantic hurricane season extends from June 1 through November 30.

We already have our first named storm, Ana, behind us.  As a reminder, here are the remaining names associated with the Hurricane Class of 2021 in an easy-to-remember format I’ve created exclusively for C&J readers:

Bill in Portland Maine, Claudette Colbert, Danny Kaye, Elsa Lanchester, Fred Rogers, Grace Kelly, Henri Matisse, Ida Lupino, Julian Calendar, Kate McKinnon, Larry from The Three Stooges, Mindy from Mork & Mindy, Nicholas Cage, Odette Bancilhon, Peter Buttigieg, Rose from Titanic, Sam Waterston, Teresa Heinz Kerry, Victor Hugo, and Wanda Sykes.

If the last two letters of the alphabet are needed, NOAA will use the usual “You’ve Gotta Be Shitting Me, Another One???” and “Zombie Hurricane from Hell.”

CHEERS to a memorable moment in mocking our glorious Amerikaner Vaterland. A reminder that some world leaders never bowed down and kissed our 45th president’s ass: four years ago this week, after Trump put his hands on that giant glowing orb in Saudi Beheadia, the prime ministers of Norway, Finland, Sweden, Denmark, and Iceland chose to do this:

The prime ministers of Norway, Finland, Sweden, Denmark, and Iceland mock Donald Trump
Goal!!!!!!!!!!!

Instant induction in the pantheon of grade-A trolling. Now someone find that soccer ball and put it in the Smithsonian.

Ten years ago in C&J: June 1, 2011

JEERS to some lady from Alaska who’s on a bus tour of historic sites in the elitist northeast. Sarah Palin should be out touring in the “real America” of Kansas and Oklahoma and Arizona and suchlike too also, but she’s not. She’s pallin’ around with the socialist latte-drinkers in the blue states and makin’ it damn near impossible to pass her on two-lane roads cuz she’s riding in a giant freaking bus. Here’s an example of her inspiring rhetoric as quoted by ABC News:

“Each site we’re at is just so inspiring and confirming in me and me and in my family how important it is that we all learn about our foundation so that we can move forward very clearly.”

Maybe after she learns history she can go on a grammar tour.

And just one more…

CHEERS to a guy who classed up the republic. Here’s your brain food for the day, courtesy of birthday boy Walt Whitman, who turned 202 yesterday. With all the bullshit we’re likely to endure this week, enjoy a bit of soothing brain balm as we glide into Tuesday…

“This is what you shall do;

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Happy birthday, Good Gray Poet.

Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body.”

I think we’re gonna need a bigger bowl of Wheaties.

Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?

Today’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

Recently, borne relentlessly on the tides of the Rec List, I read Cheers and Jeers. And I’m sorry, but I quite simply cannot handle stern-jawed Bill in Portland Maine, especially in Daily Kos.

—Kelly Faircloth

Credit: www.dailykos.com

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